Growing up I remember being told that God will not give you more than you can handle. Until this trip I always believed that, it was what I had been told. During my African adventure I have learned that I had it wrong, very wrong. In fact after much searching through my Bible for scriptural support of this I found that it is not there. It sounds good to say and is encouraging but it simply is not true. He does not promise to not give us more than we can handle.
I believe now that God does give us more than we can handle and he does it everyday all around the world. It is at that point where we are at our weakest and worn down that all we have left is to rely on Him. If he only gave us what we could manage we would not need Him. I need Him more than I ever knew because I can not handle all that has been given to me. I could not possibly handle three toddlers in Uganda on my own for eight days. I could not possibly manage being in Uganda for three months and counting. I could not imagine being away from Chad, Sadie, and Nolen for seven plus weeks. I am just not that strong and I am learning everyday that that is the point. I am not strong enough and never will be. But He is and He took care of me when I leaned on him. Lord I can’t manage this by myself. I need you to guide me and to direct my paths on this hard journey.
This is a test, I am being tested. I can trust Him to hold me up and support me or I could try to do it myself and fail.
During the early hours of our second day in Uganda, while watching Sadie play with her dolls I prayed fervently. We sat on a twin bed in the second bedroom of the apartment surrounded by a mosquito net that I felt like was constantly attacking me. I know the net was not attacking me but Satan definitely was. I was hungry, exhausted, dirty, and overwhelmed. I needed help and I knew just who would provide that for me. My husband was not there to help me, neither were my parents, I could not just run to the store and get the supplies I needed, I could not even turn on the faucet to provide my girls with a drink of water. I had definitely been given more than I could handle. During my tear filled eyes under that mosquito net God let me know that he would provide all the things I could not provide for these girls. I was guided to the scriptures of Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths.”
When I stepped off the plane and was followed very soon by being handed two precious little girls I was upset. I was frustrated and angry at times. I was looking for someone to blame the situation on, someone had to have made a mistake in getting that custody order. I did not understand the whole plan. All I knew was that this plan was not the one I had created. Hindsight is a beautiful thing. Now I can look back on those days and understand just what was happening. God was preparing me for the “long haul.” He knew that in order for me to hang with it through this hard and crazy journey I was going to quickly need to learn to rely on Him, only Him.