To say that I have a why child is an understatement. What is a why child? It is Sadie. She has the ability to ask “Why mommy?” about everything. She can even ask the question to things I did not even know were possible. I remember on our way to the airport to leave for Uganda she asked me why our car was black. I believe my response was something like that is they way they made it. But I don’t remember if it was enough to satisfy her curiosity.
Sometimes I just don’t know how to answer her questions. Often there are answers but not ones I think I can give to a four year old. She just would not understand. When she questions things that I don’t understand or I don’t know how to explain to her I frequently give her the answer “because Jesus made it that way.” I do not like giving this answer because for the most part it does not help satisfy her curiosity but sometimes it is all I got.
I am constantly amazed by how much our earthly parent to child relationships copy our heavenly Father to child relationships. This “why child” aspect of my relationship with Sadie is a copy of my relationship with the Lord. I am slightly disappointed during this process to have discovered that I am also a “why child.” I find it more during this journey but I am constantly asking my Father “Why?”
Why am I still here? Why am I away from my husband, Sadie, and Nolen? Why couldn’t we be one of those families whose adoption went without a hitch? Why did you choose us for this journey? Why me, Why us, Why Uganda, Why now?
What I have learned as I am conjuring up these questions sometimes the answer is not some fancy worded theological response. It is simply “Because I am God.” As a person of the world it is not possible for Him to explain the situation to me in a way that I can understand. I find that I might not be happy with His answer that sounds similar to the dreaded because I said so. But, it is all that I am capable of understanding. I know I will continue to ask these whys throughout my life. I hope to be able to remember that sometimes I don’t need to know. All that I really need to do is be obedient and trust in Him to make the decisions for me.