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Friday, December 9, 2011

WHY????

To say that I have a why child is an understatement. What is a why child? It is Sadie. She has the ability to ask “Why mommy?” about everything. She can even ask the question to things I did not even know were possible. I remember on our way to the airport to leave for Uganda she asked me why our car was black. I believe my response was something like that is they way they made it. But I don’t remember if it was enough to satisfy her curiosity.


Sometimes I just don’t know how to answer her questions. Often there are answers but not ones I think I can give to a four year old. She just would not understand. When she questions things that I don’t understand or I don’t know how to explain to her I frequently give her the answer “because Jesus made it that way.” I do not like giving this answer because for the most part it does not help satisfy her curiosity but sometimes it is all I got.

I am constantly amazed by how much our earthly parent to child relationships copy our heavenly Father to child relationships. This “why child” aspect of my relationship with Sadie is a copy of my relationship with the Lord. I am slightly disappointed during this process to have discovered that I am also a “why child.” I find it more during this journey but I am constantly asking my Father “Why?”

Why am I still here? Why am I away from my husband, Sadie, and Nolen? Why couldn’t we be one of those families whose adoption went without a hitch? Why did you choose us for this journey? Why me, Why us, Why Uganda, Why now?

What I have learned as I am conjuring up these questions sometimes the answer is not some fancy worded theological response. It is simply “Because I am God.” As a person of the world it is not possible for Him to explain the situation to me in a way that I can understand. I find that I might not be happy with His answer that sounds similar to the dreaded because I said so. But, it is all that I am capable of understanding. I know I will continue to ask these whys throughout my life. I hope to be able to remember that sometimes I don’t need to know. All that I really need to do is be obedient and trust in Him to make the decisions for me.

3 comments:

  1. I was asking God this very question on your behalf this morning. It's just baffling. Your faith inspires me, and so many others I'm sure. I am praying you'll be home very very soon.

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  2. Your journey is an inspiration. Your example of obedience is awesome. God is using you to teach me and others I'm sure. Maybe that is part of the "why." I'm praying for you daily!

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