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Friday, April 27, 2012

Loss of Control


One of the hardest lessons I have learned is the loss of control.  During the past 29 years I have had learned this lesson in small portions of my life at a time but never before in everything.  Never before have I lost total control of all aspects in my life.  Growing up you do not have control over your diet or schedule but I always had my room, my headless Barbie dolls to play with, and my cabbage patch dolls with home haircuts.  I had control over their world.  I remember playing with Barbie and having her go on crazy adventures, she had a jeep and RV, our Barbie went camping a lot.  Part of the appeal of playing dolls was control.  I could control what they did, what they wore, and how they behaved.  I remember thinking as all kids do when I get older I will set the rules, I will be in control.  Wrong.
Africa took all control from me.  While in Uganda I lost control of everything, I was learning that my life is not my own, it is not my own to control.  It is His life and I need to let Him control it.  By letting God control our family decisions our family has taken a path that we could never have planned.  I never could have planned a homemade daughter, Russian son, and two Ugandan daughters, two dogs, eight chickens, and the best husband.
I was looking forward to returning to our home in Tennessee partly to regain control.  I wanted to make the decisions again over what I ate at my meals and when my house got cleaned.  Don’t get me wrong the staff in Uganda was AMAZING but the control freak in my wanted to do these things myself.  Little did I know returning to a house with four little kids running around would mean no control, no organization, and pure craziness.  In fact the pure craziness is far better than I could have ever imagined.  It is wild, the kids have a blast, we have a blast, and life is fun.  They know that mommy and daddy love them and more importantly Jesus.  So if my control for the day is yelling out the door please wear pants if you are going to play in the front yard I will take it and enjoy it.  Our family is learning to find comfort in this loss of control and that only comes from knowing that our Heavenly Father holds it in His hands.

3 comments:

  1. Holly - haven't yet had the pleasure of meeting your family, but I connected to your blog through a link on Pastor Josh's FB page. I've been following your journey with intense interest ever since. I got all kinds of excited when I saw you'd brought the kids home. Your family seems very interesting and fun - hope to meet you at church at some point in the future. God bless.

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